No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
