We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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