This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
