Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
