Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize