Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I met the friendliest cop last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
