Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
