he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
