I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
