Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
