The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
