Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
