So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
