OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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