Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
