help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
