Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
