oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
