Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
