So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
