Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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