p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize