It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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