SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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