would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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