I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
