Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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