either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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