my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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