By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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