Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize