My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
