As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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