I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
