u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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