He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
