i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
