I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
