you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
