And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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