I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
