I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hippo gnu deer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
