FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize