Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
