walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
