im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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