I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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