I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
