I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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