haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
