How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
