I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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