I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
im on a boat
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