Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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