Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
