Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
