i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
