Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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