I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
