Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
