the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
