Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
