Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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