hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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