If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
