alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
