how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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