Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
