I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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